Rap Battle Roasts: 25 Funny, Clean Lines for Friends

For the cook:

• You burned a salad, and I’m still asking how, / the smoke alarm hears you coming, and it starts beeping now.
• Your cooking’s so bad that the dog said no, / and he eats socks, so, you know.
• Your “famous” lasagna is famous, it’s true, / the fire department has a picture of you.

For the cheapskate:

• You split a nine-dollar pizza down to the cent, / then sent me a request for the gas that you spent.
• You still owe me twenty from the eighth grade, / with interest, that’s a house, and I want it paid.

For the gamer:

• You got a thousand hours in and you’re still on level two, / the tutorial’s been patient, but it’s tired of you.
• You rage-quit a puzzle game that was made for a kid, / then you blamed the Wi-Fi, like the Wi-Fi did.
• You wear that headset like it’s a royal crown, / you haven’t seen daylight since the power went down.

For the phone addict:

• You check your phone so much that it asked you for space, / it’s been face down for a minute, and you’re still in its face.
• You left the group chat on read for a month and a day, / then replied “lol” to a joke from the start of May.
• You took forty selfies to post just one, / and in that one, your thumb is blocking the sun.

For the bold dresser:

• You wore socks with sandals to a wedding, that’s a choice, / the band stopped playing, and the singer lost her voice.
• Your outfit’s so loud that the library said stop, / Hawaiian shirt, cargo shorts and one neon flip-flop.
• You call it vintage, I call it your uncle’s old coat, / it still has his gum in the pocket and a grocery note.

For the dancer:

• You dance like your phone is ringing in your jeans, / half robot, half sprinkler, stuck between scenes.
• You hit the dance floor and the DJ stopped the song, / he thought you tripped, but you’d been dancing all along.
• You did the worm at prom, and the floor filed a claim, / now the gym has a plaque on the wall with your name.

For the self-declared rapper and the aux hog:

• You rhyme “cat” with “cat” and you call it a flow, / even the beat got up and asked if it could go.
• You got the aux and played one song on repeat, / by the sixth time through, we were walking down the street.

• Roast habits, not bodies. Lateness and outfits are choices; height, weight, skin, hair, accents and disabilities are off limits.
• No slurs, even “as a joke,” and nothing about race, religion, gender or sexuality.
• Never roast trauma: breakups that still hurt, illness, grief, family trouble, real money problems.
• End with love: “I roast you ’cause I know you, and I’d do it again, / you’re late and you can’t cook, but you’re still my best friend.”

1. Pick one habit and one real moment: the rice they burned, the party they missed.
2. Blow it up into something impossible: “the fire department has a picture of you.”
3. Put the punchline on the rhyme word and stop at two lines.
4. Read it as the target. If you would wince, cut it.

For more roast material, read our funny rap lyrics.

The AI rap battle generator puts you both on stage from two photos, or one photo of both. Pick AI rap as the sound, type the matchup as the topic, such as “friendly rap battle: Sam is always late, Jo burns every dinner”, and pick Both rap so you trade bars.

• The AI writes its own clean verse from the topic (up to 120 characters), not these lines. For your exact bars, record them as an MP3 or WAV and pick Your song; the lead lip-syncs.
• A 12-second AI rap on Seedance 2.0 Mini at 720p costs 6 credits in the Hotel Lobby booth and 5 on the other stages. The first preview is free.
• Sexual or hateful topics are refused before anything is charged. Use only photos of friends who said yes.

For a one-sided roast, try a diss track: one raps, the other hypes.